They let her work a flexible schedule so that she could feel a little more connected to her daughter. They let her have free snacks. They even gave her free lunch once a week.
She even got to pick the order in which she worked on projects. It was about as close to working on your own as you can and still get insurance, paid time off and a steady paycheck.
But she wasn’t totally happy. She watched three other people leave the company to follow their dreams as their own boss.
She was jealous. Not in a bad way. Jealous that they were getting what they wanted right now.
She knew God was working for her good (always), but she’s an overachiever and very impatient person.
So it was a test of faith that she had to sit in her very comfy cubicle and watch others head out into the great unknown.
She had this vague prayer that passed through her lips on a regular basis, “Lord, I want to be a freelance writer and home with my children by the time I’m 30. Can you make that happen?”
Sounds like she was wishing in a well, right? She was treating God like a genie in a lamp. Of course the God who made the universe could make that happen.
But He does things according to His plan and His timing.
She wasn’t always considering that.
She quite often thought he wasn’t working for her good because she wasn’t faithful enough, mature enough, good enough or just enough. But as usual, he showed up and showed out. But more on that in a minute.
Her husband was struggling through some big stuff. He was already one of those people she secretly (ok, obviously at least once a week) envied.
She didn’t know was that all of the rails needed to be laid for her to drive her own train.
She was so caught up in escaping and her dream that she didn’t see the big picture.
It was like a house going up. It’s a big mess when things are almost complete.
It’s hard to focus on a piece of the picture because all you see is debris, mud and unfinished rooms. It’s frustrating to the ready-to-be-done eye.
But if you slow down and step a little closer, you’ll see the handiwork of a brick facade or the beauty in crown corners coming together.
The mess gets cleaned up at the end of the project. The grass is planted. The floors are uncovered. The mud is pressure washed away.
Then, on move in day, you smell the newness. The wonder of a new life unfolding in a new home.
And that happened for this writer girl. She was about to turn 30 years old. The day before she turned 30, she received a call from an editor friend. She needed someone 20-30 hours a week to help with projects for the foreseable future.
She got to quit her job on her birthday.
It was an exciting time. But the leap of faith was really just beginning.
Her husband would start to struggle more. Her workload would be so big that she didn’t have the time she thought she would for her daughter.
The pile of debt she and hubby had piled up would start to become a really big burden.
She and hubby would nearly lose everything material that they loved.
They would get pregnant unexpectedly and then lose the baby.
They would face an $11,000 surgery that she had to have.
They would become distanced from each other by pain.
And then she finally reached the end of herself. She couldn’t fix her husband. She couldn’t drag more work through the door. She couldn’t ignore the loss she’d just suffered.
She couldn’t do it on her own.
So, she prayed some big prayers.
She handed her husband over to God.
She handed her pain over to Him.
She handed the mess of stuff and bills over to Him.
She looked at her beautiful 2-year-old daughter and said, “I can’t live for just me anymore. I asked for this beautiful little blessing. He gave it to me. Now, I need to show up every day and be the best of me for her.”
And you know what? This story hasn’t ended. But when she got to this point, God filled in all the broken places with beautiful promises.
He gave her husband a purpose.
He blessed the family with a hospital bill that amounted to $1,000 instead of $11,000.
He showed her there was light after loss.
He showed up when she shut down.
And this writer girl wouldn’t change any of that struggle, sadness, anger, despair or make it any less hard to take a leap of faith.
When you take that leap, you have to trust someone. And it’s not yourself. It’s Him.
We can’t do it alone. We can’t do it without His grace.
I know three things from taking this leap of faith. God loves us more than we can ever imagine. He always works for our good even when we don’t see it. His mercies are new every morning and if we look for them, they are there.
For the person struggling with a leap of faith, there’s always help. Always hope. Always God.
Some of the Scriptures that got me through this leap:
- Romans 5:1-11
- Romans 8:28
- Romans 8:38-39
- Hebrews 13:6
- Philippians 2:1-4
- Philippians 4:6-7
And my life verse, Romans 8:31-32 “If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”
I hope the ones who need it find some help in these words. Praying for you, sweet friends.