Demolishing the Walls of Hurt

Faith Real Christianity

eph210I’ve been a little busy. More than busy. Life has been overflowing lately. Full of good stuff. But full. And I like to be full, but I don’t like to be overstuffed. And that’s been my life of late.

But I’m getting a retreat. I’m going to serve at a retreat called Cursillo in a couple of weeks. And I’m so excited. There’s no better thing to do for your heart than to serve others.

But that’s not the thing I’m writing about today. I’m writing about something nearly as satisfying as serving – demo work, specifically demolishing the walls of hurt.

In my last two posts, we discussed getting the clutter out of the way. That’s a big job and it’s often overwhelming. But when you clear it out, you can really get to work. Rebuilding. Making things new.

So, what do you demo in heart work? Fear, insecurity, heartbreak and old hurt.

Knocking down these lies and rejections are a necessary step in the healing process.

When you knock them down, there’s a clear view of the other side. There’s a new place to build new truths.

In heart work, you can see that a lot of the tearing down begins with the carefully constructed facade of rationalization.

I know that rationalization is my best friend when I don’t want to deal with hurt. I am an excellent crafter of what I think is truth.

But the real truth is, these are lies we tell ourselves or lies of the enemy we let ourselves believe.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m such an idiot. I always let that happen to me. I’m never going to get to a good place with this?”

That’s so damaging to our souls.

My kids love to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and I’ll hear a snippet of self-doubt. “We’ll never get Boo Boo Chicken back.”

I just want to scream when I hear stuff like this. I get pretty ticked off when I hear this self-loathing talk.

I should probably find a new show for the kids. But you can ask my hubby and my 8-year-old; I use this as a teachable moment.

Anyway, I digress.We ladies, especially, have to draw a line in the sand and start tearing down these lies. Either we believe what God says about us or we don’t.

That was a hard truth for me to really believe prior to recently. I knew it, but I didn’t take it to heart.

Why is it that we let ourselves swim in self-doubt? Why do we push away compliments when someone tells us something our souls need to hear?

At least as a woman, I think it’s a lot of our environment. I also think it’s our way of thinking.

I once heard a pastor tell a funny story about the ways men and women think. He said it like this:

Men have boxes in their heads – a place for baseball, hunting, women, food, work and nothing. Women’s minds are a tightly coiled wire that you have to upwrap to get to to the truth.

I think he’s a bit wrong. I think a woman’s mind is more like a string of Christmas lights that need a bulb replaced. When you’re trying to get to the root of an issue, you have to check each light bulb along the way after you’ve untangled the mess of the lights.

So, let’s talk about environment first and then we’ll hit thinking.


We can’t always control our environment. Oh, but we try. We like our homes just so. We spend hours researching everything. That’s good in essence, but we can’t always control everything in a broken world. Control is one of the tactics we use to keep those broken boards up when a real renovation is needed.

My two favorite tactics are criticism and perfectionism when it feels like my world is about to fall down. If I can just do more, rearrange, reallocate, I’ll be ok. If you get in my way of creating my facade, I’m going to bite you down with my words. I’m going to attack your worth. And then I’m going to attack myself later for making an even bigger mess of my life.

This cycle helps no one but the enemy. It is not fair to you or your family or anyone else to create this pretense of control and then reap havoc on everyone when control cannot be maintained.

We’re going to get rejected. We’re going to get hurt at times. We’re going to be left out.

But we can’t let that negative stop our positive.

We have to stop and untangle that strand of Christmas lights and then find the burned out bulb. The problem is that we don’t want to take the time to do that.

Someone else has a need we must attend to. We have a million little things to do. We don’t take the time to say, “That’s an ugly thought. That hurts. I’m going to write it down and deal with it later.”

Or we add it to the junk drawer of thoughts we meant to clean out three weeks ago. You know, the one you mean to deal with when you get a quiet few minutes or finally get up 30 minutes early to have a quiet time.

I think this is part of the quiet we all seek. We can’t get there because we let the excuses of no time and no help get in our way.

What if we did something differently? What if we made time to get our game face on before we faced the world? What if we made time to get alone and deal with those lies? I mean really deal with them. Write them down and see that they have no place in our house. Put them in a paper bag and throw them away.

What if we started armoring up every day and stopped talking about it? What if we prayed Ephesians 6:10-17 over our hearts and our homes? What if we kept a verse of truth on our lock screen that we actually took to heart every time we looked at those precious phones?

What if we set a timer on our phone to relax and pray at 10, 2 and 4 (this is a reference to the old Dr. Pepper logo)? It doesn’t take long to build truth into your day.

But we’d rather hang out with lies.

I know I would. Because it’s easy. It’s easy to question our worth. It’s easy to believe the lies of the world.

It’s not easy to be intentional. Oh we talk about it with our kids. We want to be intentional mothers who never yell.

But we yell because it works. It gets the job done.

But getting the job done is not what God calls his girls to do. He wants to do life-changing work in us and through us.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10

And it starts in our hearts. He wants to be the contractor who renovates our hearts.

But he needs us to sit down with him and pick out the paint colors and the surface for the counter tops. He wants to show up in the details of our lives.

He wants us to participate in the process. He wants us to face that choice to go to the self-defeat store or to go to the spa of His Word. He wants us to take the time to get to know the truth about ourselves.

Yes, we’re sinners but when we leave that life at the cross, we’re free. We may need to go back there a lot. But it’s freedom. We go to that cross. Lay it down. And go back to work.

Doesn’t it feel so good when you take time to deal with the ugly and lay it down?

We need to do it every single day. And stop feeding ourselves lies about our worth.

We are His. We are LOVED. We are important.

We need to let the dishes wait just a few more minutes so we can go hit our knees and hand these hurts to him. We need to write down a verse and put it in our kitchen windows to meditate on when we are drained.

Today’s Heart Work Question: What’s one lie you tell yourself that can be knocked down with truth?

Today’s Heart Truth: “For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.” 1 Corinthians 3:9

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